


Castiel's Heartbreak

by justsimplymeagain



Series: A Twisted'verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crowley not present in this fic, Demon!Dean, Hell, M/M, One Year Later, Other, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-06 10:56:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsimplymeagain/pseuds/justsimplymeagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year has passed since the events that brought on Dean falling and taking up his Master's razor. Castiel has in turn taken up leadership in Heaven and under a favour to Sam travels to Hell for proof of what has happened to Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel took refuge in his favorite Heaven and not for the first time. This spot that was so secluded and peaceful, the air was crisp and everything was pristine. And it was beautiful. However Castiel could not focus on the beauty of this Heaven based on a secluded spot in the country. Child laughter heard in the distance, a memory that will play around Castiel and he won't be noticed because that was now beyond a souls ability now. Only rest and good memories. Peace.

He wanted Dean to feel this peace one day.

He wants Sam to feel this peace one day as well.

Sam still had the ability to reach to Heaven and make it past the gates and into his own Heaven and ride on his own peace and good memories. Many of which would be focused around Dean and whatever good memories he manages to make in between. But Dean will not be growing old with Sam, Sam will have no memory of that. Only fantasies when he sleeps, a worse torment then his normal nightmares because now Sam has to live with what he no longer has.

Castiel feels guilty for it.

Castiel was the leader of Heaven now, the Viceroy you could say. Ever since he took Naomi down and the Civil war was finished but left everlasting damage no one has questioned Castiel's rule. This time he will do it right, this time he won't force free will onto them but introduce it slowly. Carefully as you would introduce the world to a child.

Castiel listened to what they had to say, and they listened to what Castiel had to say. He had a helper, someone to ground him in Heaven and help him through his own guilt and with facing his responsibilities. Joshua the gentle and kind groundskeeper who was more then that but no one takes a second look at him because of how laid back he was.

Joshua was also the one who helped him understand his bond with Dean better, the bond that he no longer felt and no longer had. It was snapped and shattered a little over a year ago. It was a connection Castiel should have held tighter to, a connection he shouldn't have let go of so easily.

He should have saved Dean! He could have!

It wasn't fair, but that was life from what he's learnt from the time he first laid hands on Dean in Perdition to now. Life was not fair and it was a force that could knock you down and keep you there. Castiel was surprised that so many could get up, it made him respect humans all that much more. They truly were a durable creature. It made Castiel want to help and protect them all the more.

Castiel kept an eye on Sam, Sam was a friend of his and one of the last friends he has. Sam was doing well for himself despite his own heartbreak. He still fights the evils in the world but now he has a driven purpose. Sam was also looking for a way to save Dean still, he was not giving up on Dean.

But Castiel suspects that the chance of saving Dean was lost the second he willingly or perhaps unwillingly went back to Hell. This time there was no Hellhounds to carry him over. This time it almost seemed from what Castiel found out that Dean walked there himself. Metaphorically, you cannot walk into Hell.

“You have become very human like Castiel.” An old voice said, Castiel turns around enough to look over his shoulder. All the same though, Castiel took that as a compliment, he would rather be more human like then a mere soldier he used to be. Before he met Dean.

“Joshua.” Castiel greeted, truly pleased to see the old looking angel standing there before inviting himself to sit beside him on the bench. Appraising this Heaven with a fondness.

“I can see why you like it here, it's quiet and peaceful.” Joshua acknowledged as he rested his hands on his knees.

“It is a good place to think.” Castiel stated as he focused on the small creek that runs steadily in this Heaven as to where it was already dried up on Earth. A sad fact but it was. Castiel once checked for the sake of checking. It was something to do.

“It is, however you need to do something. You're being prayed to.” Joshua said, a gentle reminder of responsibilities that Castiel was trying to shield himself from. He could be counted as a coward for that, but this was one meeting he's been putting off for some time now. It doesn't help that time moves differently here as it does on every plain of existence. Earth. Heaven. Hell. All three of them seem to run on different times and clocks but all of them going forward.

Sam has been praying to him for the past seven months. He ran out of options and was calling on Castiel because he didn't know what else to do. Hopeless, helpless and in need.

“What am I to say?” Castiel asked, he feels like a child and he wanted to curse that. But he didn't and he focused on a tree while listening to whatever Joshua might have to say. He respected the angel's words. Castiel wondered how he managed to survive everything that has happened since the Apocalypse. Who hide him away? A quiet voice in his mind told him he knows the answer to that, Joshua was needed for something and possibly for this very reason so why not keep him safe and hidden to carry any message that Castiel's Creator would need to relay now that there was no official messenger to carry those words themselves.

“The truth, as always.” Joshua stated calmly, Castiel felt the older angel regard him calmly. He was glad that the gaze wasn't one that judged him too harshly.

“He will not take it well.” Castiel stated, and it was true to every extent of the word. The Winchester brother's fed off of each other, or at least they did. Sam was someone who had the problem of tunnel vision when he gets his mind set on something. It takes careful manipulation to get him off of something. Like with Ruby while Dean was in Hell and then again with his own heartbreak and broken nature during Dean's time Purgatory.

“No one ever does. But there is hope for him still, if nothing else take comfort in that.” Joshua acknowledged, Castiel wanted to protest but he knows that this was a meeting that he cannot put off any longer. He had to go meet Sam, speak with the younger brother of Dean.

The human that Castiel had a profound bond with. The man Castiel just realized that he begun to love in a way that was reserved for lovers. And that realization alone shattered his heart and taught him what heartbreak feels like, especially for a human because that was the pain he was feeling right now. Somehow.

“I will go meet with Sam Winchester. Thank you.” Castiel said and he did try to thank the angel whenever he could. He thanked every angel whenever he could. He tried to be kinder then he was before, but never underestimate that for being too nice. Castiel was a soldier today as he was then. He knows a lot of things from healing and saving lives to torture and taking lives. He has done it all and can do the same again if it came down to it.

He was a worrier of God and Castiel will never turn from that responsibility because he can't. Angels were meant to be just that, but they also had a lot of room to evolve as well. They were to follow Human's example while being what they are. It was a very delicate balance, but one Castiel was managing.

“You are quite welcome.” Joshua said as he stood up, stretched before leaving and Castiel focused on Sam's prayers to find his location. He still had the Enochian sigils on his rib cage, so did Dean somehow.

_“Cas, I don't know why you don't answer man. I really could use your help, it's for Dean. I need you to come help me. I have to know, I... Cas...”_

Castiel already knows this won't be a good meeting, this probably won't even be a meeting that could be counted as one between friends. But he will go, his mind was made up. With a stretch of his ever changing wings and one hard flap he ascended to a flying height before plummeting to Earth to see a friend and someone who needs his help.

He landed and straightened even before time allowed Sam to be aware of the landing. The only sign would be the sound of wings being dragged down and folded behind his back and Castiel's very presence.

“Hello Sam.” Castiel greeted, watching as the taller of the two brothers spin around. Anger, happy and relief flashed through his eyes. The man looked tired as well, that wasn't something Castiel could ignore lightly. One thing was for sure though, he didn't expect Sam to embrace him in a hug like he has seen Sam do to Dean many times. Castiel awkwardly returned it.

It took a total of three minutes and seventeen seconds for Sam to let go of him.

“It's good to see you.” Sam said, Castiel knows it's sincere. Castiel nods as an acknowledgement before repeating the same sentiment while regarding the old looking place. It was large and filled with desks, book shelves stalked full with books. There was also weapons. Castiel was looking at what would appear to be headquarters of a group that went by the “Men-of-Letters”.

Sam branched off and gave an explanation of this place, Castiel didn't need it because he already knows but he appreciates the gesture that was behind it.

“Why have you called me Sam.” Castiel finally asks as he follows behind Sam as they approach two people who were looking at a map. He recognized one as Garth Fitzgerald IV and the other as Henry Winchester. At least Sam wasn't alone this time around.

Sam didn't answer him, instead introduced Castiel to both Garth and Henry. Henry seemed impressed, he has never met an angel before and Castiel told him that he was lucky that he didn't. They left it at that, Sam would know from first hand what angels could be like. They weren't friendly creatures, they were soldiers who behaved like such and can destroy like soldiers of destruction on one command. Or they could stand down and stand aside while humanity does what it will. It was a delicate balance. Castiel knows however that there is good though, he himself can testify to that.

“Sam. This is about Dean, isn't it.” Castiel pointed out, he knows the answer but he still had to get Sam to stop going on about things that are not on the subject that was not being spoken of but on everyone's mind.

Silence and Castiel feels guilt for it. He waits patiently for Sam to be the one who speaks, he was surprised when it wasn't.

“He needs to know what happened to his brother.” Henry states, his voice grim and he had a solemn look in his eyes that told Castiel that even the young grandfather knows to expect the worst. Castiel hoped that the man was strong enough to hold Sam up through the truth.

“Sam... Dean went to Hell. He wasn't torn apart, he wasn't killed. Dean went there himself.” Castiel stated, it may be harsh but the truth had to be spoken and he watched as Sam staggered back almost like Castiel struck him. Which was absurd considering if Castiel did strike Sam he would be on the floor and bruised.

“You don't know that he went willingly or something. He could have been tricked or so...”

“My connection, my bond with Dean allowed me to have a general feel for Dean. It made me more tuned in to him then I was to others. It snapped a year ago. It is gone, and Dean is one of the damned. I am truly unconditionally sorry for that. But it is the truth.” Castiel bluntly stated, hating how he seemed to break Sam's heart with those cruel words dripping with unforgiving truth.

“How do you know it wasn't a trick... A spell or something.” Sam said, his voice unnaturally quiet. Castiel felt his shoulders sag under the guilt he feels for it.

“I can go see, I can go check on Dean... To confirm or deny what has been said today. I can go to Hell and see for myself.” Castiel said, he knows the price of what he was saying but Sam was a friend and he obviously needed this. Still Castiel already knows what this was going to do, what truth it would force him to raise with him when he comes back to Earth after a trip he has put off until now.

“Can you?” Sam asked, concerned but almost hopeful at the chance that Castiel could find something.

“Do not expect good news Sam, I am sorry for that but do not hope for good news.” Castiel warned as he felt his wings spread and with a hard flap he was flying and falling even farther then he would like. He knows how to take trips and make them sneaky. Though he figures that Crowley might be aware of it and watching. He could sense and feel his brother's fighting and shredding a soul beyond recognition. The fluttering of wings against each other was too hard to ignore and it hide the screams of a young boy who was with them.

By now Michael was as mad as Lucifer. A frightening aspect.

Castiel knows where to go because he was there before when he plucked a broken soul from the pits before. And cautiously he strolled in and winced at the screams and the pleading from souls so unrecognizable. There was demons who flinched away from him while hissing insults. They didn't dare attack him for some reason. Students, they were students.

Entering the main room he stared at three racks set up in a way that would allow the souls to look at each other. He recognized all three of them!

“No...” Castiel whispered, two of them were not supposed to be here! They were good, but in a sense one died by suicide and the other by hounds and had her soul stolen from Heaven while it's guard was down. Hunters. Friends. His heart sunk. It made him think of how many other souls were here that didn't belong!

“Clarence...” A pained voice, he recognized it as the demoness Meg. A demoness that helped him, looked after him and was starting to touch on the aspect of redemption. A rare thing for demons.

Castiel looked at her and she looked so broken.

“Cas!” A voice he didn't want to hear in this place. It sounded happy, unburdened. Cruel.

Dean...


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel remembered the last time he was here, the last time he dived into Hell for a mission to save this one remarkable soul of a hunter who was fated to be saved. Castiel was honoured to be the one chosen to make the trip. To touch this soul and save it from it's own damnation.

_Castiel had no vessel, he had to dive into Hell as himself. Minor damned creatures would be instantly repelled and pushed aside. Whether they were souls or the beginnings of demons or minor demons themselves. They would flee before him. Castiel found that to be a fitting event._

_He had to dive to one of the deepest pits, farthest away from Earth. But not quite as deep as a barred cage that sent chills down what could be considered to be a spine. Or many. That place was the coldest place of Hell, a drastic difference to the rest of this forever shifting place where the damned dwell both willingly and unwillingly._

_But he was not here to explore or take a look at things he has no right to._

_There was one less link holding Him there._

_Castiel has failed to stop the first seal from breaking. But his mission was not over, there was still need of Dean Winchester and Castiel had his orders._

_Landing with a heavy thud on a place that was materialized for the sake of what was needed. Torture rooms, racks and tools to cause pain. The only reason it exists is because of the soul's strung up on racks and because of the demon. Hell wasn't a physical place, Castiel was aware of that. But it didn't take away the fact that it was a jarring experience to land on solid ground. Everything here was created by memory and thoughts and the demon pulling the string. It was easy for things to look similar because everyone had a slightly similar idea of what to expect._

_Racks. Fire. Torture. Demons. Nothing good._

_The soul he came to save likened it to how a Trickster created realities. He wasn't completely wrong, it was just more complicated then that. However he got praised for his answer from what Castiel felt from his memory on a bright but changing soul._

_The one he was here to save regarded him with distrust and anger. Accusing him of interfering with his job. Castiel made sure to inform the soul of his intention._

_The soul was still manifesting as the same shape the boy had as a human. The only difference was that he was nude, cut into and mutilated. There was still patches of his skin and flesh that showed who he was in life. Black smoke took over parts of his body, showing that he was quickly becoming damned. Far quicker then normal demons. Castiel could see where skin looked to be stretched over bones and his spine._

_A dying and changing corpse._

_His eyes however were still a deep green that Castiel will recognize for all time._

_Dean fought him when Castiel picked him up. Dean thought he didn't want to leave, thought that Hell was his home. He didn't want to go and didn't understand that he was being saved. Castiel cleaned that memory from his mind because he did not want this soul to try to go 'home' because there was work to be done._

Shaking himself from the memory of his last visit Castiel could still hear his own bold declaration:

_“Dean Winchester is saved”_

Regarding the room in front of him while ignoring the presence of everyone else in the room, he was fully aware that he wasn't supposed to be here. Because he was the Leader of Heaven and he was doing something so beneath him because this was not what he should be doing in the first place, but since when did Castiel follow expectations anymore.

So in truth he practically broken into a place that was not his in the first place. But who and what he was had some rights, doors he can go into but at a cost. Always at a cost to enter a door such as this one. Last time had a cost and this time is no different.

The last time he entered he had a door open to him that allowed doubt to seep in.

And although it led to good things, the damage was done and Castiel will never heal from that curse. Doubt. It was his burden to bare and his weight to carry for all of time. And he will bare it because Castiel now knows that he can. He just prays to his Father that he can forever keep that strength.

This time it would be the last peace of mind he has in regards to his first human friend.

This was a burden he doesn't think he can carry without someone to help him. Someone to lift him back up when it truly sinks in. His friend, his secret love is now one of the damned making more damned to replenish Hell's armies. The man he fell for, more ways then one was now an enemy. There was no greater burden to bare then that.

The sounds of wailing souls stretched far on this level. Confused, in pain and not completely aware of what was going on through their own pain. Only knew what was being done to them and at time even why it was being done to them. What they have done. Eventually though, none will truly remember what they were before now.

It was a sad truth.

In the distance he still heard the furious flap of wings and screeches of angered beings once and still are made of light. They can do nothing but circle each other and take it out on each other and the young soul and life of Adam Milligan.

Castiel regarded the wall filled with notes written on skin. The older ones looked like they were Alastair's notes and on Dean's skin. Or memory of skin. It didn't make it any less false. Three pleading looks were on him. Three people who were trapped on a rack, mouths sealed shut by string and cutting gags.

Ellen Harvelle who sacrificed herself to kill a hound and let the Winchester's escape. She did not want to leave her daughter. A noble sacrifice but it left her in a delicate balance of where to go. Castiel knows normally she would have went to Heaven and she did but she was not as protected as every other soul there. She allied herself with enemies who weren't going along with Michael's plans and so pettiness was involved.

Castiel also failed to fix that when he went back to Heaven after Sam entered the Cage.

Her soul was one of a handful that was lost.

There was also the soul of Jo Harvelle who was another soul stolen from Heaven. Died by the claws of a Hellhound. Also trying to buy time for a failed attempt on Lucifer's life. She was a strong soul, that much Castiel always could see. And it was a miracle she has lasted so long under the skills of one of Hell's best torturer's now that Alastair was no more.

The third was Meg. The one demon he seemed to be able to tolerate. The one who helped Castiel personally. She always claimed to have a dewy body, not that Castiel really understood that reference. And he still didn't understand why she called him Clarence.

“Why are you here Cas?” Dean's voice finally said, beyond his first greeting he hasn't spoken to Castiel until now. Simply regarded him, studied him and Castiel felt like he was being tested by Dean.

“I did not want this for you.” Castiel said instead, not answering why he was here. They both probably already know, it wasn't a hard guess to figure out that Sam would have been the instigator behind this visit. Castiel didn't or wouldn't have come without feeling obligated to do so. He already knows what he would find.

“But I did. Free will and all that bullshit.” Dean shot back, arms crossed over a chest that only truly exists topside. Where the actual body was, he didn't know because a physical body cannot exist here unless you're powerful enough to maintain it. Crowley is powerful enough now, Castiel is powerful enough and Dean was still an unknown. Castiel knows from staring at the human turned demon that he would be powerful. A threat. A danger.

Everything Castiel was, told him to destroy it.

But he couldn't, he loved who Dean was too much to do that at this point.

Castiel didn't move as Dean walked past him nearly brushing past him as he approached Meg's rack. The demoness that was a mere shadow of what she was. She had a chance of redemption and she will unfortunately never taste what that's like now. She will shatter worse then before.

He just wondered, what would happen to her when she does shatter. She looked like she was afraid of that possibility as well. She looked terrified. Castiel does not remember seeing such a look in her eyes before. He wanted to make it go away.

Almost like his mind was read, or perhaps Dean knows his expressions better then he let on or let others know, spoke up explaining what was going to happen to her and it was not a kind fate.

“When I'm through with her, she'll be nothing more then extra material.” Dean stated, voice void of emotion for once. Ever since Castiel has arrived, though they have not spoken much Dean didn't really sound like himself all that much. This was the closes he has come to sounding like the man he knew topside.

“I do not think you want this Dean. You did not when I first came and pulled you from Perdition. This time is no different.” Castiel spoke, void of emotion like a true soldier he was. But still there was a shred of hope that he knows he's foolish for. Because if there was then Castiel would fight for Dean and save him again.

“Wishful thinking Castiel. I was still close to being human when you plucked me out. I was a student. I was an apprentice. I'm no longer any of that. I'm a demon Cas, get used to that. I'm not human and you can tell Sammy that. I'm now a teacher. I'm now a master.” Dean correcting and Castiel sighed as he wondered how he was going to tell that to Sam who wouldn't want to listen right away and didn't when Castiel first tried to warn him of this outcome.

The cutting gag was removed because Meg was trying to say something and Dean must have had a bit of curiosity of what she was trying to say. Not that he was going to like what she was going to say, Castiel could already guess of what it was going to be.

“You're nothing but a bitch for Crowley!” Meg snarled from her rack. Spite and fight flaring in her only to fade with a look from Dean that Castiel pitied Meg for. She may not get a reprimand now, but she will later. The gag was put back in place and fresh blood dripped. The blood was soiled with the taint of a demon, but still ran freely all the same.

Castiel watched Dean as he moved away from the rack with Meg on and walked until he was face to face with Castiel. Not wincing like normal demons would be, but not touching Castiel at the same time. They were vastly different now. Like oil and water.

“Sam will be disappointed.” Castiel stated, he decided that if there was a shred of who Dean used to be this would be enough to get him back on track of possible redemption. There was nothing Dean wouldn't do for his brother. He would damn himself for Sam, live for Sam and kill for Sam.

Castiel looked for any shred of humanity in deceivingly human eyes. But the longer he stared he just saw endless forms of damnation and sadism. Perhaps there was other dark notches in there as well, but it all was hard to see and swirled together. There was no love left that had the resemblance of humanity.

Dean was a demon.

For a second his eyes shifted from the human green to a black that held green in in a noticeable gleam. But only momentarily. Not long to really see how green it was or how much black was laced underneath. It might possibly become more green as the years pass. And it has already been a clean one hundred years in Hell.

“Sammy, yes I would imagine so.” Dean said as he stepped away from Castiel. Castiel allowed him to go even though he so badly wanted to save him. Redeem him. Undo Crowley's damage. But it was hard to take a demon and make them human again, Meg wouldn't have ever been human but one day if she kept going down the road of salvation she wouldn't be a demon either.

“Your brother will hunt you one day.” Castiel stated, it was a truth because they both know what Sam Winchester was and what he was capable of. It was the way the world worked.

“Sam and every other hunter. But you know what? Let them. It's fine, I know all the tricks and I'm not weighed down by alcoholism or guilt or...” Dean started, waving off the warning and Castiel felt frustration rise in him at that. It was disrespectful and it was worse because this was a demon who was disrespecting an Angel of the Lord.

“You are weighed down by arrogance and you know this will become your weight.” Castiel pushed and it was the truth. That was everyone elses failing. They have allowed arrogance to take hold of them and look where it got them. Why he was warning this demon was possibly only for sentimental reasons. Who this demon used to be.

“Trying to warn me? You love me that much that you would warn me while being a demon?” Dean sneered, mocked and Castiel felt anger and shock. And he must have shown that shock because the sneer only increased in size and became all the more mocking as a response.

Castiel didn't say a word, he didn't have to because Dean continued in a mocking tone,  
“Ya Cas, I know about that. Sad that you didn't get the balls to do something about it sooner though. You and I could have had some rather interesting activities planned out your blooming sex life.”

His mind chanted 'forgive me Father' and 'forgive me Dean' because he has shamed them both for that. And to make it worse, it was done in Hell. Castiel felt soiled.

Castiel was aware of the pity glances he was getting from the three on the rack. If he could save them now, he would. Perhaps that was why they were there. To tempt him into a foolish move, to make himself known to everyone who was damned here.

To Crowley.

“He probably knows you're here, can't hide much from him. He listens into everything I do, so say Hi Crowley. But seriously Cas, you never answered me. You trying to warn me?” Dean casually said as he finally turned his back on Castiel and walked over to the long table where the knives and other torture devices that seemed to accompany normal tools that you would use for everything topside. Human things.

To be here any longer, Castiel had to admit to himself would be a lost cause.

“I have warned you. There will be no other visit. There will be no other warnings. And yes at one time, when you were human I did in fact love you. However, you are no longer human. You are one of the damned. You understand what side that puts you and I on. One day Dean Winchester either I or someone else will bring you down as Sam Winchester has your late master. As you have Azazel.” Castiel spoke and his voice gave on more confidence then he might have felt. But no matter the confident level, his words were no less true.

And Castiel has warned Dean twice now.

What more could he do then that?

“You would be wise to heed my warning.” Castiel said, his voice betraying what he was as the power shifting inside him flares for just a moment before going folding back in. The sound of hounds snarling in the distance informed him that his stay was cut short.

Dean looked serious though, he understood the implications of Castiel's warning. And he took it seriously. What happens next however would be up to Dean.

“I think you should go, say hi to Sammy for me.” Dean calmly said as he picked up a sharpened tool.

Spreading his wings he knows he would be the barer of bad news. Horrible news. The worst. On his way out he could hear what demons now called Dean. Like other demons Dean has gained a name that was one that could be considered his demon name. Eventually he will leave the last shreds of who Dean Winchester used to be behind.

One day...


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel first landed a few miles away from where Sam was staying, calming his mind and riding himself with the stench of Hell because it all served as a reminder of what has happened and what is now reality. Dean Winchester is no more, the memories are there but that wasn't Dean anymore. 

With a sigh that was very human in the sheer act of it, Castiel landed in the same room as two of the Hunters that were there. The grandfather and Garth. Sam was no where to be seen, and from the sigils on his ribs Castiel couldn't sense him out. The two that were present however did approach Castiel, no doubt wanting answers. They tried to speak with him, but he didn't move or speak. Instead he just waited for Sam. 

Not that he had long to wait because the taller of the two Winchester brothers entered the room. Hope and caution playing in his face and Castiel silently indicated that he should sit down. 

“Cas, what's wrong. Is it Dean?” Sam asked as he sat down on autopilot. More so out of wanting answers then obeying Castiel. Not that Castiel wanted anyone to obey him blindly if he got the choice in the matter. Garth and Henry sat down as well. Castiel cautiously moved so that he was sitting across from them. He noted keys on the table, they belonged to the Impala. 

Where should he start? Should he tell Sam who was in Hell with Dean? Probably, he no doubt would have to because Castiel didn't like to lie. He's been there and does not want to go back to that mistake again. 

“Sam, you remember that I told you not to expect good news.” Castiel started and one thing Sam wasn't was stupid. Realization was already setting in. Garth asked questions but it was obvious that he too realized what was going to be said. Castiel never liked the job of being a messenger or anything of that sort. Not right now anyway. But he was the temporary leader of Heaven and Sam's friend. He owed the man a lot. 

Sam didn't say a word, but there was no doubt a lot of questions racing in his mind now. Denial as well. 

“I slipped into the Pit where Alastair used to dwell. In a sense I broke and entered, but that is not the important part. It is what I saw when I got there, who I spoke to. What is the truth that is the important part.” Castiel explained calmly. 

“No...” Sam finally said, he knew now even without Castiel saying a word. Sam knew. 

“Dean Winchester is no more, he is no longer your brother or hunter in arms. He is no longer the Righteous man that I raised from Perdition. Sam, Dean took Alastair's place and is now the master of torture. Only those who knew who he was as a human calls him Dean.” Castiel explained calmly and allowed the humans sitting with him to let the information sink in. Their faces pale and a sense of failure choked the room and not all of it from Castiel. He wanted to say he was sorry, beg them to believe him. But Castiel sat in silence. 

“Is there... Is there nothing that can be done... Nothing at all.” Henry asked as Sam choked on emotions. Castiel regarded the young Winchester from the wrong time. An anomaly but one that was deemed needed or else the Forth Horseman would be demanding that order be put right. Perhaps there was a shred of mercy in Death that allowed the man to stay. One can never know with a being who was older then Castiel and perhaps most if not all other angels left alive and dead. 

“There is not a shred of human left in him. His memories, Dean's memories are becoming increasingly unimportant. He holds no ties to his human life. I am sorry Sam, but that is the truth. Dean Winchester loved you more so then life itself. But what he is now, isn't Dean and you must remember that. The thing that is now in his place does not love you, does not care for you and knows your weaknesses and strengths as good as Dean did.” Castiel explained and warned because he doesn't want Sam to go down a path that Castiel can not save him from. Sam had better start thinking of what's there and Dean as two different beings because they were two different beings. 

“You can't raise him like before...” Sam whispered, grasping at straws now and Castiel swore his heart shattered like fragile glass. 

“Sam, when I saved Dean before he wasn't completely a demon. But he was close. This time however he is fully demon with all that implies. The only anomaly that is involved with this process was that Dean was alive when he turned. He is something new and dangerous.” Castiel explained and Sam showed a confused look at that. 

“How can you turn into a demon while being alive?!” Sam demanded. Castiel didn't blame him, it was a question that was bothering him as well. But perhaps it was because of the process that was started even before Castiel had saved him. When Dean was raised, he was not meant to live this long. Michael was supposed to use him as a vessel and whatever stench of Hell that remained would have been burnt out along with Dean's mind. Dean was never meant to make it this far. 

“Dean was never meant to live this long Sam. When he was raised, he had a purpose to be used for. My grace, the hand shaped scar was a symbol of that grace and that save. It must have acted like a bandage to stop the process that started in Hell. Sam, when Crowley possessed Dean he must have loosened it and in turn Dean became what he is now.” Castiel explained as best that he could, he was only coming up with the answer or theory now. So he had to go into this conversation blind. 

Sam only seemed to pale further. He knows what it means and the other two showed confusion. Castiel explained and they seemed to be horrified and sympathetic to Sam. 

“Never meant to... To what, live?!” Sam asked, but he knows the answer already and Castiel knows that the man wanted to hear it out loud. Was this punishment for Castiel? If so then Castiel will endure it. He had to. 

“Yes.” Castiel answered and Sam seemed to choke back a sob and Henry rubbed his back. Garth looked down and hide his face in both hurt and no doubt horror. 

“Was I meant to live?” Sam asked, again knowing the answer but needing to hear them. Tears were threatening to fall now. Castiel didn't blame Sam one bit. 

“No. One brother must kill the other, it is a common theme back from Heaven's turning point to the first murder between Cain and Abel. To now. But that has all changed, I just thought and hoped dearly that this would not have had to happen.” Castiel explained, his voice both emotionless and filled with sorrow to convey how he in turn feels so they know that Castiel sympathizes with them. He just hoped it was showed right. 

“Had to happen...” Sam whispered, anger and hurt and sorrow so thick Castiel thought that he might just drown on it. Humans were always fascinating to Castiel with their wide range of emotions and how deeply they can feel them. It was the human races gift and curse. Castiel will not change them for the universe, not even to know his own Father. He loved humans just that much. 

Castiel looked towards the Heaven looking for strength for a moment before Sam demanded with more anger. The same words but now a demand. Anger now clearly heard over everything else. 

“A year ago, it was explained to you by Henry as Naomi has explained to me that this is the universe balancing out. It is not fair. It is not kind. But it is reality Sam, I am so sorry for that. I wish, I wanted to and I would have tried if I could... To save your brother, my friend. My dearest friend.” Castiel explained as softly as he could. He gave away too much and saw realization cross Sam's face again but no words were uttered and instead a sad smile for a moment. An apology that Castiel will never know what he now knows of. Feelings. Love. 

Silence fell on them. Castiel knows he should tell them about who was on Dean's Racks and what Dean was calling himself or at least what demons are calling him. Only those who knew him as a human called him Dean. Only a selected few. 

“What do I do...” Sam finally asked, Castiel knows the man would find the answer himself. He was smart enough to. Castiel waited until Sam was looking at him again. 

“Do what you're already doing Sam. You are doing so very well for yourself and you are getting something not everyone gets. Penance. Atonement. You are rising and perhaps it was always meant to be you in the end, the righteous man. You care so very much Sam, do not let go of that. Underneath your anger there is a love of things that you have gained from Dean and his love for you. Hold onto that, and with it the memories of better times. Keep Dean in your heart Sam but let go of him.” Castiel said and perhaps someone else has tried to get Sam to do this very thing once before. But now there truly was no other option then to do this. 

“I will... I will...” Sam muttered, whispered brokenly as tears started to fall. 

Castiel allowed it, it wasn't often that Sam broke like this. He was incredibly strong even when broken down and weakened. It was a respectable trait. 

It took an hour for emotions to settle and drinks to be opened but not touched beyond that. Castiel didn't even open his, he didn't require drinks but the gesture was still appreciated and accepted in an attempt to not offend. 

“I wish that was all of the bad news Sam, but there is more. Dean is no doubt working on pet projects. Making new demons, stronger to be hand picked henchmen to serve the King of Hell more closely then others. Body guards of sorts. Shields and swords.” Castiel started to explain but stopped only to see how much attention he actually held now. He saw resignation and the old professionalism that hunters all seem to have when they are researching a hunt or possible hunts. 

“Who?” Garth asked, a serious tone no doubt heard in his voice that others don't always hear if the slight look from Sam was any indication. 

“Hunters. They will know the in's and outs of your job. And they would know you personally Sam.” Castiel explained to Garth but addressed Sam at the end. 

“Who!” Sam snapped, Castiel sighed at the demanding nature because Castiel really was trying to give them full explanations where he feels they are required. 

“Ellen and Joanne Harvelle are the only two hunters I have spotted on his personal Racks.” Castiel answered as he watched confusion on Henry but more emotions due to who Castiel has mentioned. 

“Ellen and Jo...” Both Garth and Sam seemed to repeat, horror in their voices and horror at the knowledge that one day they would be facing demons who used to be friends. 

“He also has Meg on his Rack.” Castiel said but he could tell that there was no love lost for her, only Castiel seemed to mourn her fate. Only he seemed to pity her because only Castiel really knows how she was being redeemed and how that chance is now lost at the end of Dean's razor. 

“You said Dean doesn't go by Dean anymore, what name does he go by.” Henry asked and everyone listened for Castiel's answer. 

“Dameal.” Castiel said before launching into an explanation that the name wouldn't be found in their researches because this name was new and held no description. 

Garth wrote the name down all the same. A new target, a new threat and one that would be a threat because of how good of a hunter Dean was when he was topside and a hunter. Castiel then launched into explaining about Benny and how Benny was now lost because his only friend was now a demon. It was a last remaining link to Dean, a link to a time that Sam wasn't present in Dean's life. Something that Sam should consider helping out. 

Castiel then informed them that no lives were lost at the hands of Benny. None that mattered in the long run anyway, Castiel didn't bring up the kills that came as self defence only. Sometimes vampires, sometimes humans and sometimes other things. Castiel hinted that Sam should consider allowing this vampire to come in, he could do some good. What better hunter then one that knows how the hunted think? 

Castiel wasn't sure if Sam would though, Sam disliked the vampire but seemed to toy with the notion that the vampire was again a last remaining link to Dean and someone should tell him. 

“Is he the one that keeps phoning Dean's phone?” Sam asked calmly as he pulled Dean's phone and looked at the monthly missed calls. 

“Yes.” Castiel confirmed before standing. He still felt like he was shattering and Castiel wanted to be alone. So he bid everyone a farewell and informed them to pray to him if they needed his help. And with that and one heavy flap of his wings he was gone from the building and landing in his favorite Heaven. 

One prayer reached him though. Just one so far. A thank you for the truth. 

It was all that it took for Castiel to collapse to his knees, a hand covering his mouth and wetness falling form his eyes. He was crying and his favorite Heaven showed his sorrows with rain. All he could do was cry for Dean, for a love that Castiel will never know. Cry because it was so unfair and it didn't take much to picture Dean in the midst of pleasure with a damned demon. 

It was so unfair. 

Castiel didn't know how long he stayed shattered on the ground of this Heaven that stormed around him while the souls slept blissfully through what they thought was the night. Eventually though he had to get up, he had to do something else aside from remaining on the ground. So with a strength he forgets that he has at times, Castiel found it in himself to stand up and clean the tears away. 

As he left that heaven it reformed to what it was before Castiel arrived and fresh snow started to fall. 

Angels waited orders, souls were being placed in their personal heaven and Castiel took his place in front of them while he informed them of what he now knows to be fact. He informs them of the new threats being formed in Hell and the purpose they now hold. They would do what they can to protect the creation their creator, their Father loves so dearly. The creation Castiel loves so dearly. 

They will do what they can behind the scenes and without judgement and with mercy whenever possible. Perhaps it was a bit too fairy tale for some people's taste but Castiel didn't care for that. He had a taste of what it's like to help and save humans. It was what taught Castiel so much and this was how he was going to teach others what he knows. 

They were confused but accepting well enough.


End file.
